Journeys in Italy Part 1- Peace Be Still

These first few days in Italy have been humbling…I do not speak the language, my cell phone is not working, and I am alone.  Being here is different than I imagined.  I imagined that I would enjoy time to myself and use it to find a deeper more meaningful part of myself.  Instead, I yearn for things that are familiar…my husband’s eyes, his touch, his voice, his arms as they hold me.  Yesterday, I was at a Ristorante in the City Centre of Trevisio and across from me sat an empty seat.  I wished he had been in it, if only for a little while.  So I could look at him and be comforted.

There are moments when my heart feels free…free to walk, to explore, to exist- all to be met by an unfamiliarity that has become my only family.  I tell myself that I must give myself some room to adjust.  Adjust to being in a foreign place and adjust to being a foreign me.  Memories of home are fresh.  At home, I have the TV on all day…the sound of noise colliding into my ears makes me feel surrounded.  Here, I paid a lot more than I should have just to have an hour where someone was speaking my language.  At home, I am surrounded by my husband, my family, and my friends.  I have made it a point to be social.  There, I am rarely alone.  Here, no one knows me, so I am quiet and still. 

Over the years, I have asked God to help me be still.  I have always wanted to have peace like a river.  Instead, my heart beats restless with the anticipation of a new journey.  Now here I am, on this journey, not yet sure what I will become once it is done…

To be continued.

Empty Chairs and Empty Tables